I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she told me i tasted like america
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
