I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he thought i was a dude.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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