i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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