he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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