I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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