it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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