I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
