vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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