he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
