my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
