Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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