hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
