Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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