What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
