i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
