Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
