so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
