At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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