Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
