I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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