he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
