I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
