I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
