It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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