filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
