I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
