I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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