The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
