when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
