Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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