Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
