'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
only you would photoshop your dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
