Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"