Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?