I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.