Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.