final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...