We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
