i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
