Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
