When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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