We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
