Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
