Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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