Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
