fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just had sex bonerless
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
