that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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