im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Pants are for mortals
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
