im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
