i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
