Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
