i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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