i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
