Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
