I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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