It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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