Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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