What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
