just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
