i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
