hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
