2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb