toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.