We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude