Need sex. Gaining weight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.