I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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