The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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