you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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