allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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