so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
