Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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