Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
