i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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