My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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