i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
