i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
pray to the hookup gods
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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