I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
